I JUST CAME BACK FROM MELBOURNE!

Surprise surprise! I flew to Melbourne over the weekend for an open audition with a dance company called ADT. Seriously I had so much fun there! I think maybe a little bit too much.

My first day consisted of waking up early from a incredibly late flight and walking into the city. I told myself before I got to Melbourne that I wouldn't buy anything because I literally just bought things in Perth...

Holy shit.

I

went

crazy.

After hunting down most of the stores that we don't have in small town Perth, I caught up with a friend who was performing in Melbourne. It was so great to see him and to meet new friends. We walked around town and discovered some really cute alley ways filled with indie shops and cafes.

Yeah, I was a complete tourist.

The second day I caught up with two of my friends in Perth - Grace and Damo. We had a huge dilemma, which I'd much rather not get into because it was crazy. Anyway, we decided to head to Chapel St to do more shopping but before that we stopped by at a version of Harbour Town but way bigger and had way more stores. Once again, we went crazy. It didn't stop there! When we hit Chapel St it just got even worse! We spent all afternoon walking down Chapel St walking into store into store into store. It was seriously one of the best therapy I had in a long time.

After a long day of walking, we headed out to the Merywell for some classic American dinner, which made Grace super happy because she American... Duh.

The next day was my audition. I didn't get in as excepted but I did have a lot of fun. It was so great learning new moves from the rep that we did and it felt so good to just learn and dance. I've been improvising so much lately I needed some mindless dancing! The only down side was that the audition lasted for 2 hours and I felt shit because it was like I was paying $500 (for the flights) just for 2 hours of dancing. Also probably didn't help that the audition was smack bang in the middle of lunch so I started getting hungry half way through and was like shaking... got to say good experience though.

The last day I spent the day quite upset. I had blisters on my feet, I had to return these shoes for Grace which I didn't end up returning, just buying them off Grace and exchanging them for a smaller size and watched my friend Elle performing in the King and I. There was a lot of waiting around, walking around, freezing my ass off because oh my god, Melbourne was cold. I also managed to get my boyfriend angry because I called him forgetting the time difference between Melbourne and Perth and woke him up from his sleep.

Anyway. I don't have much to say other than I spent $600 on clothes and food, which is ridiculous!

Oh well, I'm broke now but at least I'm happy!

I got a job interview tomorrow so hopefully I'll be getting that cash rolling in!

At the moment there are distractions.

There are lots of distractions to keep me away.

From thinking it - thank god.

But when I don't have any more distractions, its hard to think it.

It's space is too much for me to handle.

I know it's true, and I can trust.

But its hard when it doesn't give you its eyes,

its sound,

its warmth,

its texture,

its beating stone.

And you start to be curious, and wonder around,

this place,

where everything is green but behind the trees there could be cracks.

I know there isn't any cracks, but its hard to think that when it has planted its seed.

I do like my distractions.

Distraction is my best friend, and I know it will always be there for me.

It reminds me of my purpose here.

Why my feet has landed on this ground of uncertainty.

And for now, I think I would like to keep it up -

to dive into the unknown and soak up its energy.

To forever be lost by myself, within myself, around myself.

But its too close so its quite hurtful, even though theres nothing to be hurt from.

To need, to want distractions.

Just forget about it, and in time,

I will know.

//

I've officially started my small contract with Buzz Dance Theatre this week! Basically, I'm learning the duet from their earlier this year Plain Jane. Let me tell you, even though the duet is 20 mins long, its a fucking killer. The girl part (which is me) pretty much dances for the whole 20 mins non stop and it is a hard, detailed, whole body, difficult dance. I'm picking up pretty quickly which is good, but it's keeping up the energy and knowing how to spend my energy wisely so I don't die out within the first 2 mins.

Also, Daisy and I will be doing our launch for our work Status Room tomorrow night, which I hope goes really well. We did a test run tonight to a small group of friends (mainly Daisy's friends) and it actually went really well. There were a few  hick ups here and there but over all, it went great.

I'm super tired but also so happy to be dancing so much again. I've realised how much my body has adapted to pedestrian "normal" people style over the couple of months. What I mean by that is that my body isn't moving a fluid as it used to, compared to the beginning of the year. This made me realise that I need to keep it up, ALWAYS.

On some exciting news, I have applied to do the Australian Dance Theatre's open auditions in Melbourne later this month. The cost of flights is going to cost a bomb (pretty much half a grand) so... not so exciting for my bank account but exciting for my dance career and experience. I know I probably won't get in but I'm very keen to go through a real professional audition process. It's all about the experience baby! I've also applied for the Gaga Workshop in September with Strut Dance. Hopefully I get a spot in it! I really want to be able to do it but whether I get a spot, I don't know.

An update on life. I leave you once again with no new photos, but of Beth Hoeckel's work. I enjoy her stuff.

I'm currently in the middle of still writing my post for my birthday trip with my boyfriend. Hopefully I'll get that done soon.

I don't really know why I'm blogging. I guess this is another rant - a personal blog.

These past few weeks since I came back from Exmouth has been pretty boring. Both my parents has left back go Thailand to take care of my grandma and business over that side of town and once again, I am left here with my two brothers.

To be honest, I'm bored.

I am bored.

My days are filled with emptiness, which, you should all know doesn't work with me. I like to be busy. I like having things to do, people to be with, and sometimes, yes I do enjoy stress. In some weird way it makes me happy even though I'm worried and tired and probably want to yell and punch someone in the face. I'd rather be stress than have nothing to. One day of nothingness is fine but anything more than that, I'm wasting my life away.

I guess it doesn't help with the profession I chose. Random hours and random chunks. It's so bipolar (I feel like I've been using that word quite often these days.) Teaching at my dance school has died down because Brooke (the original teacher for that class) has come back from where ever she was (I'm assuming Europe), so all I have left for that dance school is assisting the tiny tots class and pretty much back being a substitute teacher. 

Fuck.

Babysitting has also been quite bad since they haven't called me up much. They always catch me in the wrong time.

Metros, once again is the only thing that is going strong. Seriously though, once a week for 3 hours isn't going to help me much. At least its the only consistent thing.

I start with Buzz Dance Theatre in 2 weeks and I could not be more excited. I haven't danced, and when I say danced I mean properly danced, in such a long time. I've gotten lazy, unmotivated, and fat because there hasn't been any classes these past few weeks. I just want to start already. I want to be worked so hard that I go home exhausted and knock out by 8pm. I want to feel hungry again. And lately, I haven't been...

One good thing is that I started reading again.

Last time I picked up a book was probably Year 12? Matt suggested me to read the book series Divergent by Veronica Roth, and I'm so glad he did. I've been obsessed with it! It has only been maybe 6 days and I've already read the first and almost finished the second book! (yes I am a slow reader, but thats how I like it) I forgot how exciting reading books can be. It's just as good as movies except better because everyone and everything that is described to you is made up by you. There are no limitations. To be honest it is the only thing that is exciting in my life.

I'm so sick of reality. Nothing exciting really happens in reality. I got so lost in this book that I'd rather read it than go to class in the morning because it is more exciting to me. Sometimes I feel reality doesn't have much to offer - but then I could be saying this now and completely change my mind later...

 I think thats why I sometimes (slash most of the time) like to pretend to live my life like in the movies or books or musicals. I know thats not possible and nothing in books, movies, or musicals actually happens in real life but sometimes  I can't help it. I can't stand being boring and conform to the way of day to day life. I wish music would start playing at certain situations. I wish when I get a new job, people on the streets will suddenly break into dance with me that we all surprisingly just know. In a way it is selfish and it is childish. But you can't live life without imagination and fun. I can't leave my inner child.

You must be thinking "What the fuck is wrong with this chick, grow up!" or "Holy shit, are you on crack? Go hang out with some friends!" I totally agree, I should grow up, and I am a grown up. I just enjoy being free from all the expectations and obligations of an adult. It gets boring and too painful. And I would hang out with my friends, if they weren't all in Europe right this second. 

Anyway, sitting in my hammock with my dog faith and blogging is as much as I can do now.

I guess I'm just going to start reading again. So I leave you with these pictures of my beautiful dog Faith. These were taken on my birthday party before I left to Exmouth.

June is coming to an end and my 21st birthday is coming up. I think I may have said before that I wasn't looking forward to it and I didn't want to turn 21. The turning part is still true, but I'm not going to lie - I am looking forward to it. Mainly because I'm going to Exmouth with my boyfriend for by birthday!

I'm so excited!

This will be the first time I've traveled with my boyfriend on a plane and staying in a place that isn't his or mine. Unfortunately, none of my friends really gives a shit because they're all in Europe partying it up and dancing away (them bitches.) But I'll get to share this excitement with myself and Matt. For now, I need to focus on finishing my Hong Kong trip video and deciding which sushi I want for my pre birthday lunch party this Saturday.

It's strange how it feels like there is no time to do anything but I actually have so much time.

This past few week, I've been feeling like there has been a bug in me. Not literally but I just feel a bit off and not exactly happy. I would blame it on the post traveling and having itchy feet but I know its not that because I'm flying off to Exmouth next week. I've been doing lots of retail therapy which has caused my account balance to drop tremendously and for some reason I feel like being angry at something or at someone. I feel bad for Matt because of course I would start one on him. Physically, I'm getting upset and blaming things on the other but internally, I know I'm the one who started it and I know I could end it.

But I choose not to because stupid girl.

I've had a few revelations about things especially since working with Daisy for our full length work Status Room. It's really been spiralling my head around. Maybe I just need to let some steam off because of this work that I'm doing with Daisy? Too much for me to handle?

I feel really unmotivated and dead. I can't even get myself up to go to STRUT classes in the mornings.

I think its this whole 21 one thing.

I read an article the other day called "If you're dating a Woman or a Girl"...  something along those lines. It basically listed the difference between a girl and a woman. I feel like I'm stuck between both. Actually it just made me feel really shit about myself. I don't feel like going into details...

On the brighter side, I'm taking Matt out to dinner tonight to Jamie's Italian. I made a booking 2 months ago and the day has finally arrived. I feel like I've made it such a big deal.

I think its because its the first time I haven't been out on a proper date with Matt in a very long time.

And I am excited! 

I even bought new shoes specifically for this date (and also cause I need a plain classic black wedge that would go with anything.)

Life is boring.

To be honest, I just want to go to Exmouth already so I have some sort of excitement happening in my life.

Oh by the way, I got a small contract offer from Buzz Dance Theatre.

I'm back in Perth, Australia!

So its been 2 days since I've arrived home from the beautiful Hong Kong. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to blog during the last few days. I have a legitimate reason. I was very busy with work and they were taking us out afterwards for dinner and drinks! By the time I got home, it was probably about 12am. And my last reason is that on the last night, the internet gets cut off.

Ridiculous.

My friend Wendy and I were pretty much struggling (not really... we did for the first 20 mins).

Because I missed out on so many days I'm going to sum it up below

Day 6:

- Last day of the workshops.

- Mainly took lots of photos and videos.

- Worked with people with different forms of dissabilities. Some were in wheelchairs, blind, autistic, etc..

- Spent lots of time with my new friend Bruce.

- Lots of questions and answers.

- Saw what living in Hong Kong looked like.

- Didn't get home till 2:30am

Day 7:

- Decided to wear my new shoes.

- Picked up more face masks.

- Received new fresh blisters from my new shoes.

- It was too fucking hot.

- Stood in line for a good 30mins in the sun to get some cookies (Jenny Bakery Cookies). Was it worth it? not sure... the cookies are yummy though.

- Spent 5 mins contemplating whether I should walk home with two heavy bags of cookies, my two carry bags falling all over the place, and cut up bloody blistered feet; or to take a taxi back (even though the hostel was literally around the corner)

- Decided to stick it out, endure the pain, and walk home.

- Had Dim Sim lunch

- Had dinner at Themis's house with a whole bunch of great people.

Home:

- Woke up early and caught up with Kristen... it's been so long since I've seen her.

- Walked around the shops with her.

- Went home and started packing.

- Found out the cleaner had threw away some of my toiletries... bastard. At least they weren't as important.

- Caught the bus to the airport with Wendy.

- Made a new friend on the plane.

- After a long plane ride and a sleepless night, I made it home!

Being back home has been good. I do miss my family, boyfriend, and friends... though I've got to admit, I had a blast in Hong Kong.

I have the travel bug!

Just feel like getting up and going again! When I got back, I went straight to work. I had the day to rest and chill out. Of course go see Matt, and then had to work straight away that night. The next day, I didn't wake up till 11am... I was that tired!

I'm working with Daisy again which is good. I do miss her lots :) Also, I got offered another contract from Buzz to perform the Plain Jane duet for the Awesome Festival! How exciting. It's going to be full on because once that performance finishes, I perform with Daisy in the Blueroom.

I must stay calm and focus. I need to switch in and out just like that.

I'll be okay.

Spent too much since I've came back. Of course after I've done a big shopping in Hong Kong, I come back and there is a crazy mid season sale going on.

HATE THIS!

I think last time I said I had a big day...

Today I had a big day.

Normally the day for me would just consist of me doing the workshop and taking photos and helping out, and I would be fully investigated in everything... Today, I felt like I was completely out. Not in the scope of things. Not investing myself in the workshop. Although that was the case, I ended up investing myself else where - in my head.

Because I wasn't invested in the workshop today, I don't feel the need to explain the day and everything that happened in between. I only need to explain what happened in my head. Though if you need it, is below.

10 descriptions of what I did:

1. I woke up early as per usual and walked over to YMCA to pick up Philip and we took the train together to find our way to the studio. It was a really hot morning. I had a custard bun.

2. Did Lee's workshop which was a lot more relaxing that other days. We all did solos and showed each other.

3. Did Philip's workshop and spent most of it filming and taking photos (this was the time a lot of things happened in my head.)

4. Day was finished and was invited to go watch the performing arts students perform their rep.

5. Had an awesome reading from Bruce.

6. Ate dinner at a local shop and continued my awesome reading from Bruce.

7.  Watch the performance.

8. Went to look at the government building and saw a protest.

9. Went home and bought a shit load of face masks from Etude house (a korean brand) and also made the decision to starve myself for the next few days so then I can buy more things here in Hong Kong.

10. Had an epic conversation with my parents about my readings with Bruce in relation to our life.

Great, now that is over with I can get into the good stuff.

So like I said, wasn't really in it today. I started having lots of observations within myself and started asking myself these questions that actually made me feel kind of upset. I started having these observations during the second half of the workshop (Philip's workshop). I started realising all I did during these workshops were half participate, half observe, half assist, and half take videos and photos. I felt like there wasn't really any reason for me to be there, or there was any reason for me to come to Hong Kong. Looking at it, I wasn't really doing anything. That made me feel sad and upset and a bit frustrated with everything. But then I also learnt so much over the past few days, met some amazing and inspiring people, and have been having so much fun! It made me really confused with everything because I felt like I was loosing and also gaining at the same time...

Strange.

I am happy though and I don't regret coming here and doing the workshop at all. Its nothing bad or something that I need to confront. It was simply an observation.

It makes me happy that I can observe, acknowledge, and move on.

One of the most amazing guys I met during this trip is probably Bruce.

He is a psychic.

There is another name for it.. a medium? I can't remember, but he has studied and practice this psychic thing. When he first was telling me his story I was so amazed and interested. I've never met someone who can see things in person. When he actually read me, that was a whole new level of amazingness. What he had told me was so spot on. He told me what my angel said about me and what I should and shouldn't do (to a certain extent. I wouldn't put it in that type of wording but that is the only way I can think of putting it... He did say I have a strong communication but need to work on it - something along those lines haha). What made things more crazy was that I asked him about my grandma, my uncle, my aunts, and my mom, and the things he said about what had happened to my family was exactly what my mom had experienced and also what her fortuneteller had told her.

Unbelievable, I know. But believe it.

Before this, I didn't believe in psychic stuff... 

Okay, I wouldn't say I didn't believe it, but I was just careful of it when people tell me what fortunetellers or psychics say.  What had happened to me completely changed. I know there is probably some fortunetellers who are fake but I definitely do believe now that there are some that are real.

This wasn't some broad shit like, "oh, something really big is going to happen in your life!" or, "oh you're going through some stuff." It was like fucking dead on the point and into detail. And it wasn't much about talking about your future, it was more about you and healing and your angel. Gah so good.

You know they're real when they've got 98% of everything spot on, in detail as well!

I'm truly amazed and I want to know more, listen more, understand more.

I think today has been just a full on realisation and observation day. I don't think I could fully explain here but shit the experience is something special.

I got a new roommate today, her name is Yuka (I think thats it? I keep forgetting peoples names which are like exotic aka, not english.) She's a 35 year old mom from Japan. She has a 8 year old daughter and she work for Jurlique Japan. She's quitting though for this other job where she gets to design stuff. She's only here for 2 nights so I won't get to see her much.

No photos today. My computer is completely full so I can't upload anything for the next few days :( I'll upload everything when I get back to Perth.

I'll name it "Overload Picture Day" or something haha.

What a day today. All I did was the workshop but oh man oh man I was overwhelmed.

Today I woke up at 8am and went straight to the train station. I just had a small yoghurt to eat on the go. It was so small it didn't even satisfy me but after all that shopping last night, I really got to spend wisely, aka spend nothing at all.

Made my way to the studio and this time I didn't loose my way. It only took me a few minutes to get to the studio rather than 45 mins.

Today's workshop was really good. There were lots of discoveries and discussions about things it was a bit overwhelming. In Lee's workshop, we had a huge discussion about creating an experience with the audience and also embodying the feeling rather than acting out the feeling. It was really great discussion and it made me think a lot. Possibly too much...

Philip's workshop was lots of fun as well but I think it got a bit touchy. We had to do an exercise were you talk to your childhood self in front of the mirror. When he said that task, I just couldn't do it. Not today at least. I ended up filming on the side. I think it reminded me too much of Status Room and the experience of that and considering we are still working on that project, I just couldn't separate myself from that. After that exercise everyone responded to each other what they experienced. It made us cry.

For the rest of Philip's workshop, I just filmed, took photos, and wrote in my travel journal.

Afterwards the team, a couple of participants, and I headed down to a local restaurant. I had this noodle thing which was not yummy. It was way to salty and just freaking unhealthy. It felt and tasted unhealthy. One of the girls had this French Toast, but it wasn't just any ordinary french toast! I think it was deep fried and had peanut butter in the middle. To add on it was smothered in butter and honey. Just a big plate of delicious fats.

I headed home afterwards, had a shower, talk to family (hey mom and dad) and started blogging.

I'm so tired today. And theres still so many things I have to do! Lots of homework from the workshops today.

Anyway the next two days will be quite boring I assume...

I have a new roommate today. Her name is Jean and she's Korean but she's from New Zealand. She's a music teacher and she looks like she's 20 but she's actually much older! She's only here fore 4 days 3 nights - short stay again.

Philip's Workshop

French Toast!

Pineapple Bun